A Chair Too Big

The lonely journey of a solo founder and the strength we can seek together.

I recently met an investor-turning-operator friend, Anuj, at Singapore at a coffee shop in Marina Bay Financial Center. While sharing his early professional and investor journey over a cup of coffee, I came to know how he also deeply cares about mental health, especially among founders.

During our chat, he talked about his community of founders and his empathy for them. This conversation was like holding a mirror to my own life, forcing me to think about myself too.

You see, as a solo founder, I've always found myself at the back of the line when it comes to self-care. Over the last 2+ years, as work and family responsibilities piled up, I found myself diving headfirst into problem-solving, not sparing a thought for my own needs. It often feels like I'm trapped in a tiny room, alone with my worries and nobody to share them with.

Building-the-startup stress:

There's the worry about the business itself. Things like hiring the right people to work with and making sure our technology works right can keep me awake at night. Then there's the worry about whether the business is growing fast enough, and the problems that pop up when we try to make everything run smoothly.

This rolling up of all functions into a single person and the continuous endeavour to keep all spokes of the wheel working well, has been a challenge to say the least. Hiring mistakes, diligence or lack thereof, add to the already difficult task of running the business so much more hard.

Well, you can say that ‘I signed up for it.’

Staying alive stress:

Money in the bank, salaries, who to retain in team, where to spend and where not to - have a coffee with any founder with runway challenges and you would know what am talking about. Having spent 10+ years in cushy jobs with a monthly payout, having not to think about the above, it’s been a revelation how running a business is so much more than having a fancy SVP title.

Not-doing-enough-at-home & no-time-for-friends stress:

But it's not just about work. It’s also my home life. I often feel like I'm not doing enough at home because the business takes up so much of my time. There has been a time when I was working 7 days a week and my daughter wished someone else was her father, who could spend more time with her. To say that the realisation to balance my work & personal life came like a jolt, would be an understatement.

Yourself-comes-last & Not-able-to-share-the-above stress:

And the last person I think about is myself. The hardest part is that I often can't talk about these feelings with anyone. As a founder, you are expected to bear the burden of your team’s tough days, to lend an ear and a hand to your teammates on their rough days. Piling them with your own struggles does not sound right. 

And when you’ve hardly spent time with family, piling them with my sob stories seems odd too. So I end up cocooning myself in my work room, in my bubble of stress, fighting and trying to make it work, in all the ways I can.

“According to the report by Intel Ignite across 400 startups globally, a whopping 72% of founders stated that their mental health was affected by the entrepreneurial journey – more than one-third of those founders (37%) reported that they suffer from anxiety as well.

”The data highlights the isolation of founders in the start-up journey and identifies the clear need for entrepreneurs to tap into unbiased support from others that don’t have a clear and vested interest in the company or in driving one specific agenda or another,” stated Nimrod Vromen, CEO Consiglieri and Partner Arnon, Tadmor-Levy.”

But wait. All is not gloomy.

I wished to share the above as a reflection and an acknowledgement of all that the founders go through.

To say that it’s lonely at the top, is true.

So like any founder would do, I found ways to make things right too.

Finding a passion outside of work:

From the days of getting a strong feedback from my daughter, I’ve moved forward and taken up a personal ambition to become a better parent. Learning, taking feedback, getting coached, are all part of the process to learn about a ‘role’ we mostly take for granted - Chief Caregiving Office - Parent. The small successes that I see when I implement my learnings (mostly on myself), gives me a reason to smile and small successes to cherish. The highs that seem distant at work, are achievable through my passion.

I have time and again tried Yoga, and while am not consistent, it’s something that has given me more centricity. Surya Namaskars have helped me find calmness and oneness with myself. And also a great body workout :)

Listening to body & mind & Learning to not guilt trip myself:

Recall last when your body and mind was telling you to take a break. That while you made the long weekend party-and-rest plan, your body and mind did not recover on Monday? Perhaps they needed more time. But you had a job to tick mark to.

I’ve shown up unmotivated on a Monday morning and cursed myself. It was a guilt of being a founder, how can I not be showing up? And while it happened for sometime, the guilt did not make it better.

So I learnt to take it in my stride. I’ve learnt to listen to my body and mind. It’s made me happier and more motivated to work, with my mind, body and soul working at full potential.

It was something that I had to unlearn and relearn, but its made me more content as a founder and as a human.

Growth mindset:

Making mistakes, yet learning and moving forward. Not ruminating, not complaining. Not fault finding, not pointing fingers. It’s the get-shit-done, learn-from-mistakes mentality with always the forward momentum in mind.

Some habit changes like:

• Giving up alcohol

• Switching off from work 2-3 hours before sleep

• Creating the right sleeping conditions

A coach and having a place to vent:

Being a solo founder, finding a place to vent was mandatory. And I found that sharing my struggles with my coach was the best thing I could do. My only regret is that I don’t do it enough. I should. I will.

Using my heyy, community of coaches and psychologists:

I have a unfair advantage of having access to some great coaches and psychologists around me. I use them often to clear my doubts and tribulations and it’s given me a lot of perspective on things and made me reflect on my last 20-30 years of my life, making me a better person. Though its still and always will be WIP.

In conclusion, being a founder has been a big challenge but also enlightening. I've slowly learned to take care of myself. I've learned to forgive myself when things don't go right, and to keep going. I’ve learnt to listen to my mind and body. I’m cultivating a support system for myself.

And to all the founders out there, remember you're doing your best. And if you ever need someone to talk to, we at heyy are always here for you. You can also reach out to me on LinkedIn – let's get together and share our journeys.

Here’s to moving on, and taking care!

Note - Some help was sought from ChatGPT.

Support from the LinkedIn family ❤️